Dr. J's Maths.
Where the techniques of Maths
are explained in simple terms.

Miscellaneous Maths humour - text.

Question: Pick three words to describe yourself.

Answer: I suck at maths.

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.

He then says "Five drinks please".

Did you know that SIX without S is 9?
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

I just saw my maths teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something :-)

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.

The physicist says “The initial measurement wasn’t accurate.”

The biologist counters “They must have reproduced.”

Finally, the mathematician suggests “If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again.”

Q: What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

A: Don't worry about him. He is just a product of our times.

Q: Why did 4 not ask 5 out?

A: Because 4 was 22.

Q: Why is 69 afraid of 70?

A: Because they once had a fight and 71.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one says "I'll have one beer".

The second one says "I'll have half a beer".

The third one says "I'll have a quarter of a beer".

The fourth one says "I'll have an eighth of a beer".

The barman interrupts them and pours two beers and says:

"OK guys. You should know your limits".

People who are good at maths can do anything - even English.

For example, one day the English teacher asked the class what a palindrome was.

The student down the front (who was also good at maths) answered

"a six is a six is a six is a six is a..."

Exciting news!! I just got my tickets for this year's Fibonacci Convention.

I hear it is going to be as good as the last two put together.

A farmer was telling me about how good his dog was at maths.

"Watch this" he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two?" And the dog barked ten times.

"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four?" And the dog barked twenty times.

"He's very good" I replied "but he's a little over."

"Yeah" answered the farmer "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up."

Median and mode walked into a bar one day.

The bartender said to them
"I am glad you dropped your girlfriend - she was just mean".

Q: Why did 1/5th get a massage?

A: Because she was 2/10s.

Q. How do you draw a perfect square using only 3 straight lines?

A: Draw a 4.

Friend 1: The person who invented the clock said there would be 12 numbers on it.

Friend 2: So the day will be divided into 12 segments?

Friend 1: No - 24.

Friend 2: So will the day start at 1?

Friend 1: The day will start at 12 which is at night.

Friend 2: So the night starts at 6?

Friend 1: The 6 means 30.